Practices and Words

I’ve been talking recently about how meaning arises in the in-between: in relationships between two people. Or when we appreciate a connection between two things we hadn’t seen yet. When a material object is connected to a place or a memory. When a taste or smell reminds us of an experience. Or when we long for something – a relationship between that possibility and ourselves.

Now, how can we add more meaning into our daily lives? Or, even more optimistically, how can organizations be hosts for meaning for us?

My worry is that we give away meaning because of an overreliance on words. People in western culture seem to assume that things are only real if they have been put in words: We can’t just care about something, we need to put it into a value statement. We can’t just be in a relationship, we need to give it a label and define it. We can’t just trust on mutual good intention, we want agreements and signatures.

Words are windows or they’re walls (Rosenberg)

While words have advantages – they are somewhat clear and understandable, and shareable (or should I say broadcastable?) – they are also traps.

There are only some things that can be put into words. Relationships, for example, can’t be put into words. We can describe them partially, but their essence cannot be adequately represented in words. The more we rely on words, the more we move away from essence.

Language assumes discrete objects we can name. This is this. And that is that. It points to a specific thing and ignores the interconnections. Therefore, the more we rely on words, the more we distort the field towards the non-related.

The more we want to hold things, the more they slip away. Words are ways to “hold” something, and meaning can slip right through them if we don’t watch out.

Words should be like tools in the fabric of life. We use them to temporarily make a plan, like “I will meet you tomorrow at 5.” In that case, language is tool to maintain relationship and plan an experience. It isn’t life. It serves Life.

So words are good when they are connectors. Like weft inside the warp of life. The ratio matters: too much weft without warp falls apart; it doesn’t have integrity.

So how can we change the ratio in our organizations towards more relatedness and less talking-about?

Practices

Practices are the opposite of words: worldly, non-discrete, messy even. And deeply relational. That is true even if words are involved. A listening practice is not about the words: the goal is relating, and words are involved as tools.

(Sometimes we forget that words are just the carrier, not the essence. As if we scream, “but I said sorry!”)

I am tired of words. There is always something more to say. Always another way to categorize life or analyze the situation. But what if I want to live life, not analyze it or prove that I’m good at life?

I think practices are the antidote to our wordy lives. Practices can help us build connections and pay attention to relationships between things.

We participate in a practice, like a restorative practice. Practices help us tune into a set of relationships, like in rounds. They help us learn more about relationships, like in constellation work. They change us.

The problem with practices is that they’re real. Stuff comes up. We don’t always want to be changed. They aren’t neat, predictable, or tidy. They aren’t separate. And that’s the hard part, but also the gift. Because they are full of life.

Meaning

If it’s true that the related, relational is where meaning sits, then more practices are preferable to more words. And that’s where I’m putting my time, toward a life rich in practice, not in explanation.

If we demand a pretty story, we get a pretty story. But I want life, full of that flavor of meaningfulness. The story is always the secondary thing, experience is first.

Organizations, too, can become places where meaning lives. Not because they declare it, but because they practice it. For me, that means leaning into practices that connect us with ourselves, each other, and the people we serve. Less about telling a pretty story, more about living a meaningful one.

What are some practices that you like to help you get more connected to one another, to yourself, or the ecosystem of your organization?

What are the moments where it feels like your organizational life bumps you deeper into life, instead of further away?